What's your problem?!
My apologies for taking so long to write another blog... after all, I know all of you have been waiting on pins and needles for the awesomeness that is Me. Now that you've had your laugh for the day, lets get serious...
Some of you know from previous blogs that my family and I have moved from Virginia to Tennessee; an event brought about by the roller-coaster that is our American economy. I'm certainly not complaining. My husband is still employed, we have a roof over our heads, food on the table, and, of course, the Internet. I am no stranger to moving being an Army brat... every few years growing up I had to pack my things and move from state to state, continent to continent. Considering I've moved my possessions across an ocean, the short move from VA to TN shouldn't seem like such a big deal. Put things in box. Move box. Take things out of box. Done and done.... for the most part. Now comes the hard part - meeting new people.
I've always considered myself a "people person"... I don't recall having a difficult time making friends, and have rarely discovered someone with whom I haven't been able to completely honest. (We'll not count those times as a child that I lied to keep out of trouble). I like being who I am. I like that I'm different from you, and also that you are different from me. However, at this point in the game, I'm not just different... I'm different. I feel entirely like the blue crayon in a box of white chalk here in this small town. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure the majority of people here are decent, nice folks who just want to live their lives peacefully, but a "discussion" with someone a little over a week ago has been nagging me to no end... Basically, I opened my big mouth and told the guy that I am not a Christian. Gasp!
(Before I continue, I must say that I have the utmost respect for all religions and non-religions. It takes a lot for a person to put faith into what they believe to be true... and, in my opinion, it's perfectly alright to choose what makes you feel most comfortable. Whether you follow Christ, Allah, Mother Earth, or perhaps no Deity at all, it doesn't really matter... not to me, anyway. You're a good person, and I like you.)
So, I've dug myself into this hole, and I'm trying desperately to climb back out. I don't like confrontation any more than the next person. However... once racial and ethnic slurs were flung about, I once again opened my big mouth... I felt the need to come to the defense of people I love and care about, which put me so far in the hole that light itself could not escape... but, I'll not bore you with the details, not to mention the things that no Lady should dare repeat in public.
More than a week later I've rerun this incident in my head over and over... I've avoided having face to face conversations with other people like the plague (with the exception of a wonderful store clerk and her mother - such kindred spirits). For more than seven whole days I've allowed this darkness and hate envelope me... to grind me down to a scared bunny constantly looking over her shoulder for the big, bad wolf. And, who's to blame for the way I feel? Me.
Yes, I know I can't control the rantings of someone with tunnel-vision, after all, that's probably just how he was raised to think - it's still wrong - but not my call. I know I was brought up to be honest, to be true to who I am, and to stand up for myself. BUT ... I could have walked away. I could have kept my opinions to myself. Couldawouldashoulda. The damage is done, though. Let's hope I can learn from my mistakes ... don't bring up heavy topics with people you don't know. So, taking a page from Ms. Jane Austen's Sense and Sensibility, I shall now restrict my remarks to the weather.
Some of you know from previous blogs that my family and I have moved from Virginia to Tennessee; an event brought about by the roller-coaster that is our American economy. I'm certainly not complaining. My husband is still employed, we have a roof over our heads, food on the table, and, of course, the Internet. I am no stranger to moving being an Army brat... every few years growing up I had to pack my things and move from state to state, continent to continent. Considering I've moved my possessions across an ocean, the short move from VA to TN shouldn't seem like such a big deal. Put things in box. Move box. Take things out of box. Done and done.... for the most part. Now comes the hard part - meeting new people.
I've always considered myself a "people person"... I don't recall having a difficult time making friends, and have rarely discovered someone with whom I haven't been able to completely honest. (We'll not count those times as a child that I lied to keep out of trouble). I like being who I am. I like that I'm different from you, and also that you are different from me. However, at this point in the game, I'm not just different... I'm different. I feel entirely like the blue crayon in a box of white chalk here in this small town. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure the majority of people here are decent, nice folks who just want to live their lives peacefully, but a "discussion" with someone a little over a week ago has been nagging me to no end... Basically, I opened my big mouth and told the guy that I am not a Christian. Gasp!
(Before I continue, I must say that I have the utmost respect for all religions and non-religions. It takes a lot for a person to put faith into what they believe to be true... and, in my opinion, it's perfectly alright to choose what makes you feel most comfortable. Whether you follow Christ, Allah, Mother Earth, or perhaps no Deity at all, it doesn't really matter... not to me, anyway. You're a good person, and I like you.)
So, I've dug myself into this hole, and I'm trying desperately to climb back out. I don't like confrontation any more than the next person. However... once racial and ethnic slurs were flung about, I once again opened my big mouth... I felt the need to come to the defense of people I love and care about, which put me so far in the hole that light itself could not escape... but, I'll not bore you with the details, not to mention the things that no Lady should dare repeat in public.
More than a week later I've rerun this incident in my head over and over... I've avoided having face to face conversations with other people like the plague (with the exception of a wonderful store clerk and her mother - such kindred spirits). For more than seven whole days I've allowed this darkness and hate envelope me... to grind me down to a scared bunny constantly looking over her shoulder for the big, bad wolf. And, who's to blame for the way I feel? Me.
Yes, I know I can't control the rantings of someone with tunnel-vision, after all, that's probably just how he was raised to think - it's still wrong - but not my call. I know I was brought up to be honest, to be true to who I am, and to stand up for myself. BUT ... I could have walked away. I could have kept my opinions to myself. Couldawouldashoulda. The damage is done, though. Let's hope I can learn from my mistakes ... don't bring up heavy topics with people you don't know. So, taking a page from Ms. Jane Austen's Sense and Sensibility, I shall now restrict my remarks to the weather.
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