Death Becomes Her...
Death is not something I really want to think about, but eventually I'm going to have to make some sort of arrangement... After all, there are three things certain in life: Death, taxes, and Taco Bell winning the restaurant wars.
As I've mentioned in a previous blog, I'd like to be 187 years old when I die... However, I'm a tad concerned with what happens after I die. Not when it comes to my soul... no... with my physical being. Sure, I could have all the last wishes in the world, but I'll be dead... Who's to say my body won't be stuffed with straw and piked in the garden to keep crows and small children away?
In the good 'ol days in this country, the family would dig a trench, stuff you in a pine box, and throw some dirt on you... perhaps in the family plot, so while Ma's washing dishes, she can look out the kitchen window and remember you fondly. In some countries, your body would be tossed onto a burning pire, and your wife would throw herself on your ashes, crying in anguish. Then said ashes would be dumped into the Ganges with all the bathers. I remember, vaguely, a story of soldiers vanquished in battle would have their heads removed, so the enemy could play a nice game of football. Vlad the Impaler... well... would impale you, still kicking and screaming, and bask in the glorious chorus of dying humans. Ah, how fun.
Anyway, back to the subject at hand... my own demise. I haven't really given it a whole lot of thought, given that I'm still young. I'll be 36 this month... but I'm pushing forty... albeit with a very long stick. My maternal grandfather passed away when my mom was around this age, but it was not of natural causes. My mother's mother died when my oldest was about 4 months old... followed less than a year later by my paternal grandfather. They both died of health related issues. My dad's mother is still kicking at 87 years young... she lives about a block up the hill from me, and is in excellent health. My parents are in great health in their very early sixties. I'm sure they all have arrangements, which I know my family members will honor... although, I'm not exactly sure what they are... probably something I should discuss with them.
As for me, I don't like the idea of being cremated... even though I'll be dead, the thought of burning up just bothers me... I can't help but think of Voldemort's death scene in the last round of Harry Potter movies. (Skip ahead to about one minute, thirty seconds, here)
I wouldn't mind being buried, but I don't want to be embalmed. Why the heck would I want to preserve anything? Besides, with all the preservatives in our foods nowadays, formaldehyde is probably a moot point. However, being buried these days is expensive! I'm talkin' tens of thousands of dollars, if not more. What?! A casket that costs more than a sports car? Dang. Screw it, just bury me in a Fiat, thankyouverymuch.
I read once about a new method (which you can read about here) where, basically, your body is frozen, then vibrated into dust, and given to the family to scatter... if that's around when I die, I'm totally on board, and it costs about the same as being cremated (or, so they say). Just shake me down into powder and plant me in the garden next to my beloved pets.... yep, that's where I want to be. I'd like a nice little statue... something like the fairy reading a book that my mom has in her front yard... but nicer... like gilded bronze, or something. There can be a nice plaque in front, "Here lies Lee. She was weird, but in a cool way. That's how she rolled." Then me and my fur-babies can hang out for a while in the sunshine and day lilies. Maybe a nice koi pond nearby. Sounds pleasant :)
But, hopefully, that's a very long way away. Perhaps I'll find the fountain of youth, in the meantime, and not have to worry about it. What are your thoughts, oh best beloved?
As I've mentioned in a previous blog, I'd like to be 187 years old when I die... However, I'm a tad concerned with what happens after I die. Not when it comes to my soul... no... with my physical being. Sure, I could have all the last wishes in the world, but I'll be dead... Who's to say my body won't be stuffed with straw and piked in the garden to keep crows and small children away?
In the good 'ol days in this country, the family would dig a trench, stuff you in a pine box, and throw some dirt on you... perhaps in the family plot, so while Ma's washing dishes, she can look out the kitchen window and remember you fondly. In some countries, your body would be tossed onto a burning pire, and your wife would throw herself on your ashes, crying in anguish. Then said ashes would be dumped into the Ganges with all the bathers. I remember, vaguely, a story of soldiers vanquished in battle would have their heads removed, so the enemy could play a nice game of football. Vlad the Impaler... well... would impale you, still kicking and screaming, and bask in the glorious chorus of dying humans. Ah, how fun.
Anyway, back to the subject at hand... my own demise. I haven't really given it a whole lot of thought, given that I'm still young. I'll be 36 this month... but I'm pushing forty... albeit with a very long stick. My maternal grandfather passed away when my mom was around this age, but it was not of natural causes. My mother's mother died when my oldest was about 4 months old... followed less than a year later by my paternal grandfather. They both died of health related issues. My dad's mother is still kicking at 87 years young... she lives about a block up the hill from me, and is in excellent health. My parents are in great health in their very early sixties. I'm sure they all have arrangements, which I know my family members will honor... although, I'm not exactly sure what they are... probably something I should discuss with them.
As for me, I don't like the idea of being cremated... even though I'll be dead, the thought of burning up just bothers me... I can't help but think of Voldemort's death scene in the last round of Harry Potter movies. (Skip ahead to about one minute, thirty seconds, here)
I wouldn't mind being buried, but I don't want to be embalmed. Why the heck would I want to preserve anything? Besides, with all the preservatives in our foods nowadays, formaldehyde is probably a moot point. However, being buried these days is expensive! I'm talkin' tens of thousands of dollars, if not more. What?! A casket that costs more than a sports car? Dang. Screw it, just bury me in a Fiat, thankyouverymuch.
I read once about a new method (which you can read about here) where, basically, your body is frozen, then vibrated into dust, and given to the family to scatter... if that's around when I die, I'm totally on board, and it costs about the same as being cremated (or, so they say). Just shake me down into powder and plant me in the garden next to my beloved pets.... yep, that's where I want to be. I'd like a nice little statue... something like the fairy reading a book that my mom has in her front yard... but nicer... like gilded bronze, or something. There can be a nice plaque in front, "Here lies Lee. She was weird, but in a cool way. That's how she rolled." Then me and my fur-babies can hang out for a while in the sunshine and day lilies. Maybe a nice koi pond nearby. Sounds pleasant :)
But, hopefully, that's a very long way away. Perhaps I'll find the fountain of youth, in the meantime, and not have to worry about it. What are your thoughts, oh best beloved?
With all the health problems I've had, these questions have crossed my mind. Being buried really creeps me out.... the thought of rotting and being infested with insects really grosses me out. I would like to be of as much use as I can be after death so donating my appropriate parts to those who could use them and/or the rest to science appeals to me. Whatever's left over can be cremated and turned into a diamond or shot into space or something (seriously! They do that now!) Okay, maybe I'm getting a little ahead of myself, that costs a lot of money. But for a reasonable price you can have your ashes placed into fireworks and set to music. How cool a sending off would that be? One thing I do NOT want? A funeral or wake. Sure, get together and have a few beers, talk about happy times and enjoy the support and company of friends and family. But do not stare at my dead body and feel awkward. That would just piss me off!
ReplyDeleteI think I will be very much like a wild animal and wander into the woods to die when the time comes. Then the flora and fauna of the forest can make use of my remains. No muss, no fuss... unless you happen to be an unfortunate hiker through the afore mentioned woods. I don't really want a funeral either. Light a candle for me, listen to "No One Mourns the Wicked" at least once, then laugh about all the craziness I've brought into your life.
ReplyDeleteBenn... I'm going to wear red to your funeral, and throw myself on your titanium casket, screaming "Why?? Whyyyyyy!!!?? Waaaaahhhhhhh" ... just for you :)
ReplyDelete