Dirty girl...

At around four in the morning I was sound asleep.

 Was.

 My beloved Alice decided that she was filthy and proceeded to bathe herself on the pillow next to my head. Great.

 There are a multitude of sounds that happen when a cat gives herself a tongue bath, exacerbated by the fact that during the wee hours of the morning my house is exceptionally quiet. This harmony going on just inches from my ear throws my brain into hyper-drive. 

 There's the jingle-clatter of her collar bell and identification tags... which makes me think about how much jewelry is necessary for this eleven-pound kitty; one with my name and address, a rabies tag, a city tag, and a small ball and clapper to warn little birdies of the oncoming approach of a predator....

 Add to that the sound of licking. Not just licking ... no... at close range Alice sounds like she's chewing an extremely ripe banana... slowly.... 

 Then she finds a little knot in her coat which sends her into a frenzy, nibbling at the offensive tangle with her tiny front teeth... Now, Alice is a plump girl, so the knot just has to be in an area that's difficult to reach... there's a lot of grunting involved, and a paw full of claws digging into my nice pillowcase for traction.

 Now for the fun part!

 Alice has managed to sweep a bit of my locks into her little ritual, and has gone into convulsions trying to remove it from her mouth, because - heaven forbid - human hair has touched the inside of her mouth...

 This commotion alerts the other cat, Sherlock, who happens to be sound asleep on the opposite corner of my bed, and he comes over to investigate. Well... he is Sherlock.

 Alice doesn't like him. 

 At all.

 Let the slapping commence.

 Alice's Vorpal Sword has gone snicker-snack all over the Jabberwocky... after all, that's what he gets for sticking his nose in her business, right?

 When One is an owner of multiple-cats, one takes on a plethora of roles. (this may apply to single-cat keepers, as well, but I don't recall a recent time when I lived with just one of these fine felines) ...  I am now a bouncer, and I opted to kick them both out of the bar... you don't have to go home, Alice, but you can't stay here...

 Problem is, I'm now wide awake.... maybe now's a good time to hop into the shower and wash my hair...

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