Pew, what stinks?

Noses are a wonderful thing (most of the time) ... They come in a wide variety of shapes and sizes, and are - in my opinion- the crowning jewel of the face. Imagine Gerard Depardieu without that magnificent monument we've all come to know and love...

Our noses, when in good working order, do lots of things to help us through daily life ... For example, babies use smell to help them identify mama, and with our noses we can better taste our food (good or bad), and they alert us to things out of the ordinary, such as smoke or chemicals or dog farts.

It was my nose that woke me this morning. I can't remember specifically what my dream was about, but it involved something industrial, and I'm told that the "real world" often influences dreams and other aspects of the subconscious mind. So, my nose did the math for me ... The real world minus my dream equals a strong odor of ... chemicals? *sniff* ... markers? *sniff* ... no... *sniff* ... paint? ... close enough.

Before I continue, I must add this piece of back-story for those fortunate enough to have central air conditioning. We've been having one heck of a hot summer here in the south... well, probably everywhere else, for that matter ... and my home is not equipped with a fancy schmancy AC unit. I have fans. In order to keep my home bearable for the better part of the day, I open doors and windows to allow the cooler night air in, and I shut most of them during the day to keep it somewhat tepid. My problem is that I have no screen on my back door - SO! - it's either deal with a few moths or sweat to death ... I'll take the moths thankyouverymuch. However, moths are not the only visitors we get ... sometimes a lightning bug finds his way in, even the occasional dragonfly, and once we even had a stag beetle....

And, this brings us back to this morning's incident... Sixyearoldboy and Nineyearoldboy ventured downstairs to let the dogs out and discovered a dobsonfly (in the larval stage they are more commonly referred to as hellgrammites ... here's the wikipedia site, should you dare to look ... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dobsonfly ) Very intimidating bugs, indeed. They are quite large and sport huge pinchers (mandibles). They make me shudder even thinking about them.

Anyway, Sixyearoldboy got the bright idea to cover it in "bug spray" ... but, as it happens he can't read well yet and grabbed the only can he could find ... varnish. Yup, he was going to shellac that insect intruder. I imagine, though, that with the first squirt of polyurethane the bug departed and my son darted in the opposite direction still holding the can of varnish that offended my delicate senses.

I now know that I can cross entomologist off his list of possible career paths.

So, here I sit - warily . Somewhere lurking about is a shiny, pissed-off monster waiting to exact revenge. I keep waiting here for him to emerge and strike me down where I stand (er.... sit) This is the stuff horror movies are made of ...

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