Change is good.

My apologies for taking so long to write another blog... after all, I know all of you have been waiting on pins and needles for the awesomeness that is Me. Now that you've had your laugh for the day, lets get serious... Some of you know from previous blogs that my family and I have moved from Virginia to Tennessee; an event brought about by the roller-coaster that is our American economy. I'm certainly not complaining. My husband is still employed, we have a roof over our heads, food on the table, and, of course, the Internet. I am no stranger to moving being an Army brat... every few years growing up I had to pack my things and move from state to state, continent to continent. Considering I've moved my possessions across an ocean, the short move from VA to TN shouldn't seem like such a big deal. Put things in box. Move box. Take things out of box. Done and done.... for the most part. Now comes the hard part - meeting new people. I've always considered myself a ...

Er... well, a kidney stone, that is. I was always under the impression that kidney stones were exclusively for overweight, middle-aged men who slathered everything with ketchup and extra salt. I assumed wrong... and yes, to assume makes an ass of "u" and "me". Spoiler alert!... I shall be giving out a little too much information, but it's for your own good. The pain started in the morning when I got out of bed... at that time it felt no worse than the usual monthly occurrence , i.e. ovulating.... For those of you who have never had the pleasure, imagine someone jutting a thick knitting needle in your lower abdomen and twisting it 'round. The dull, intense pain got increasingly worse throughout the day, and it was when my daughter and I were on our way home from Wal -Mart that I made the executive decision to stop at the emergency room. At the very least, I thought, they would tell me I was out of my mind and to go home and quit being such a pussy. ...

Well, our dear friend the stag beetle perished by the time my Mom and Dad stopped in after church. I think he had a heart attack... At the very least, covered in varnish ala Sixyearoldboy he is well preserved and Mom decided to take him with her to school to show her students. Won't they be thrilled :) Anyway, I'm sitting here at my computer (of course) with the back door open to let some cool air in when lo and behold! I am visited by a dobsonfly ! !!! I kid you not. The sucker landed right on my computer screen and I feel very lucky to not need a change of shorts. Screw the varnish I'm bringing out the big guns... my Familydollarsuperspeedflyswatter 2000 - the orange one. Whackwhackwhackwhackwhack ! The Vorpal blade went snicker - snack! I think Entomologists everywhere have felt a disturbance in the force.... Bugs BEWARE! fear me....

.... a continuation of "Pew, what stinks"? that I wrote less than an hour ago. I have found our culprit! I was mistaken in thinking the bug that Sixyearoldboy described to me was a dobsonfly , when IN FACT it was a stag beetle. ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lucanus_cervus ) A GINORMOUS stag beetle. (Don't adjust your monitors, I admitted I was wrong .. .you're not seeing things) As any writer should do, I print a hard copy of everything I write, including this blog ... it's very anal, I know, but I can't help it. So, I printed and hole punched and reached for my little red blog folder ... lo and behold, there he was.....lurking..... and shiny..... and still alive . I ran to the kitchen , grabbed some gladware and captured the beast! I am Woman! But, I didn't roar, so to speak .. it was more of like " ack eww eww omygodomygod eww eww ewwwwww ". I am brave .... sorta. It's sitting in the plastic container on my front porch right now .....

Noses are a wonderful thing (most of the time) ... They come in a wide variety of shapes and sizes, and are - in my opinion- the crowning jewel of the face. Imagine Gerard Depardieu without that magnificent monument we've all come to know and love... Our noses, when in good working order, do lots of things to help us through daily life ... For example, babies use smell to help them identify mama, and with our noses we can better taste our food (good or bad), and they alert us to things out of the ordinary, such as smoke or chemicals or dog farts. It was my nose that woke me this morning. I can't remember specifically what my dream was about, but it involved something industrial, and I'm told that the "real world" often influences dreams and other aspects of the subconscious mind. So, my nose did the math for me ... The real world minus my dream equals a strong odor of ... chemicals? *sniff* ... markers? *sniff* ... no... *sniff* ... paint? ... close enough. B...

Inga : Werewolf! Dr. Frederick Frankenstein : Werewolf? Igor : There. Dr. Frederick Frankenstein : What? Igor : There, wolf. There, castle. Dr. Frederick Frankenstein : Why are you talking that way? Igor : I thought you wanted to. Dr. Frederick Frankenstein : No, I don't want to. Igor : [shrugs] Suit yourself. I'm easy. (a snippet from Mel Brooks' "Young Frankenstein" via IMDb.com) I was once asked, if I could have any superpower what would it be? I definitely wouldn't mind being invisible from time to time - a great way to see what the children think they can get away with. But, flying would be fantastic, as would having super strength or agility. My answer, consequently, was shapeshifting. I think this is an ability that surely encompasses, if not surpasses, other super-human feats. I certainly would perma-shift into a better body at the very least. (This was also the deciding factor of choosing a Night Elf Druid on World of Warcraft. Spell...

On the eve of the premier of the third season of True Blood (a show to which I have become hopelessly addicted) I ponder... What's with the fad wave of blood-suckers, beasties and things that go "bump" in the night? According to The Element Encyclopedia of Magical Creatures (a book that should be on everyone's shelf) the vamp craze took a strong hold sometime in the late 1700's - about a hundred years before Mr. Stoker's story about a certain child-of-the-night hit the market. And, shapeshifters and werewolves and other half-creatures have been around pretty much since the dawn of man. So, here we are in the wee morning hours of the 21st century, still enamored by the appeal of beings that are positively extraordinary. Well, at least, that's how some see it. I feel, though, that the situation needs, nay - deserves - a bit more insight and scrutiny. Keep in mind, dear reader, that this is my own observation and my own opinion of the subject matter, and I im...

I would have written this last night, but I feel if I had it wouldn't have made much sense. So, here we are. I think in the grand scheme of things, yesterday's events were not so bizarre . However, given that they happened strung together and to a handful of people puts them into the whatdidIdotodeservethisday ? category. For starters, I spent the wee hours of the morning relaying phone calls from my sister - stuck in an airport in Detroit - to my Aunt in Rotterdam. She was supposed to be heading for the Netherlands for a little " vaca ", alas Mother Nature has burped in Iceland again, making it difficult for planes to fly in that corner of the world. Her cell phone company would have had a lovely payday should she attempt the call herself, so she reached out to a family member that would, most likely, be awake - me. Don't get me wrong, though, I am more than happy to do my best to help out my family any way I can. So, by two in the morning I was exhausted enough...

This weekend we are going to be celebrating birthdays of my father and my son (60 and 6, respectively), by going to dinner and a movie. Iron Man 2, naturally. And the cake? Iron Man 2. Toys? Iron Man 2. T-shirts? Iron Man 2. My son is, and probably always will be, Batman's number 1 fan... well, after me, of course... which was great last year, because the Caped Crusader was EVERYWHERE. The year before that, my mother-in-law and I tore Roanoke apart looking for just one Batman item to put under the Christmas/Yule tree, and were lucky enough to find a 3 inch tall plastic action figure. He asked for a Dark Knight something-or-other for his birthday this year, alas I cannot him anywhere. I did manage to find a notebook with Batman and Aquaman on the cover... but we all know Aquaman rides the short bus. I guess this year belongs to Marvel. Next year will probably belong to DC again ... lets hope they go with someone cool like Captain America or the Green Lantern... (So... when are th...

Today was the day we commemorate the lovely ladies who are giving or have given care to any number of human beings spewed forth into this world by any variety of ways. Yes. Mother's Day... declared a national holiday way back when by President Wilson, I believe. Typically, one receives flowers on such an occasion. Perhaps even a card, and the ever popular ImadethisatschoolbecauseIloveyouandmyteachertoldusto gift from young ' uns . For those who can afford it, some mothers get jewelry, or a nice electronic device or even a new car. What is my favorite gift, you ask? I'll tell you. A clean house, an extra hour in bed and for someone to serve me a meal. Preferably breakfast. This year, however, my husband is working in Tennessee and I am here with the children by myself. They spoke of making eggs, bacon, toast, etc. for me - a grand breakfast for anyone - but, I had to lay down the law. "Please do not use any appliance that heats up without my supervision." ...

I must apologize for my short hiatus from writing, for those of you who care to read this blog (and I deeply appreciate the ones who do). But, since it's lawnmowingflowerbloomingbarbequesmoke season, my allergies have vehemently protested. So, for the last few days after torturing myself and the Dexter-dog with a ten minute walk, I take an allergy pill and go back to bed for a few hours. I don't really like the idea of taking medications that make me drowsy - especially if I'm here with the kids by myself. I have this deep-seated fear of the house catching on fire and not being able to function well enough to remove my loved ones from the inferno. Nevertheless, the kids are at school all day, and if I want to breathe for the rest of the day, I know what I must do. Chemically induced sleep is very odd for me. I actually got to sit on a white, sandy beach with Matthew McConaughey. (Don't worry, my loving husband, we just talked). I did not, however, wake up to the sounds ...

I'm doing my best to keep up with the promises I made to myself... one of which was to spend at least a half hour a day doing some kind of physical activity with the kids. Last night, since it was chilly and threatened to rain, we made use of the Wii, but even modern technology cannot replace a sunny evening in the fresh air - or so I thought. So, the kids and I took our soccer ball to a baseball field a few blocks away and played a soccer/baseball hybrid (and if anyone knows the proper name for it, please let me know). Basically - with 4 people - one person rolls the ball from the pitcher's mound to the kicker at home base... one person stands between first and second base and another between second and third. Once the kicker launches the ball into outer space he or she makes their way around the bases, while the two basemen catch said ball and try to tag the kicker. If the kicker is tagged, they are out. If they make it all the way around, they get a point. The person with th...

I was truly looking forward to tonight's dinner. A nice piece of baked salmon, with rice and peas ... As I have always done, I fixed plates for my children before mine - they eat first here. I think, perhaps, this behavior of mine might be learned somewhat from my parents, but part of me wants to believe it dates back to prehistoric times when the young and virile were given the best opportunities to ensure the continuation of the species. Jeez that salmon sure looked delicious... pink and tender, smelling slightly of olive oil, rosemary and dill ... the rice just slightly sticky and hot, allowing the butter to melt almost instantly.... Alas, it was not to be. My youngest son, almost six years of age, tripped on his way to the table, and the contents of his plate scattered across the dining room floor. Simultaneously he began to cry and the dog devoured that nice piece of fish.There's no way I'm going to let my son go hungry, so I gave him my plate (I made sure to put it ...

After a long day of driving through rural Tennessee, my husband took me to the very edge of Knoxville to a place called Turkey Creek ( http://www.turkeycreekknoxville.com/ ) for dinner. I was good ... I ate my salad (which was HUGE) and ended up taking more than half of my burger back to the hotel... and I'm proud of that fact. HOWEVER - whilst driving past the plethora of restaurants and shops we came across ---- Schakolad, the chocolate factory. ( http://schakolad.com/ )Yup. I made him park the car so we could go in.... in the pouring rain. Yup. Nothing was going to stop me. Except the moment I paused long enough to snap a picture with my cell phone to send to two dear friends (one of whom texted me back calling me a name no lady should repeat). *Sigh* I could smell the chocolate wafting through the door... I can still smell it slightly in my hair as I finish the last of six chocolate strawberries I purchased there. Epic failure on my part. But it was so damned good.

Okie dokie, readers. I failed to mention before that my family and I are making plans to move to Tennessee at the end of the school year... yet another drawback of today's ailing economy. Anyway, I've shipped the children and animals off to family members and drove to Tennessee this morning to start the very long process of finding a place to live once we do move. So, this weekend I'm staying in a nice little hotel room which is where my little dilemma begins. To start with, everything is so very close together... so my rule about eating in front of the TV and the computer is pretty much out the window - unless I want to eat in the bathroom. Second, I forgot my manuscript at home. I set it on my desk so I wouldn't forget to bring it with me... well... you know how that goes. Ugh. I'll try to be as good as I can. I offset this morning's breakfast of grease and cheese with a nice dinner of green salad, salmon and rice. Actually, I only ate half of it, so the rest...

Yesterday I made a promise to myself and others that I would start making some changes in my hum-drum life. So, I've been going over in my head what types of things need improvement, so - in no particular order - they are the following : A. I need to spend more time with my kids. B. I need to lose weight. C. I need to pay better attention to the state of my home. (i.e. clean it) D. I think I spend too much time at the computer/tv E. I need to finish my book. I doubt I would be very successful should I take on all of these at once, but I DO think that some of these could be manages simultaneously. For example, the kids and I could spend time working on keeping the house clean - after all, they helped make it a mess. A couple months ago I made an artsy-fartsy chore chart, but it's collecting dust at the moment. Time to put it back into play. As far as food goes - I really love food. No, I mean I LOVE food. However, I have a habit (like so many others) of eating in front of the tv...

Introductions... hmmm... a necessary, but sometimes tedious part of life. Let's think of it like the "hump" one must overcome when quitting smoking... the first 72 hours are the worst... I certainly don't consider myself extraordinary in any way. In fact, I'm pretty much your average American. I live in an average sized town with 3 kids, some cats, a couple dogs and my husband of almost 13 years... I'm a stay at home mom that occasionally takes a college course, and my husband "brings home the bacon" which, unfortunately, I consume at lightning speed which has added to my larger than average waistline. In a nutshell, my life is pretty monotonous. So, why the hell am I writing this blog? What's so special about me that makes reading this worthwhile? Basically, I've found myself in a rut - just like so many others... most likely you, too, dear reader. So, I begin to explore .... what is it about me that sets me apart? For one, I am a stude...